Is anyone reading this?

last day of summer!

2011-08-14T22:52:00.003-04:00

I know it's not, but for me and every other Broward (plus others) teacher, it essentially is.

I was thinking the other day how I hate that the end of every summer brings about some existential crisis within (me), but I can't help it. It wasn't until I read Emily's Facebook post about growing that I remembered that I used to always think -- or hope -- that I had somehow learned something about something during the summer.

So what have I learned? I've learned that I can work pretty hard even when I'm not getting an official paycheck. Is that good? I've learned that I can work pretty hard even when I'm not physically feeling very well. I'm guessing that's a good trait. I've learned that I'm almost probably definitely maybe applying for grad school this year, because I probably want to teach at the college level one day.

I've learned that I really love cooking, and that I'm not bad at it. I want to take some classes so that I can feel like I'm not full of _____ when I cook and think things that I make are good. I daydream sometimes about going to culinary school and becoming a chef full-time, but I'm terrified of getting burnt out with the long hours and tedious work that seems to be a part of being a "line cook" or whatever. Lame.

I've learned that I truly love playing my flute, and I wish I was better at it. I know I'm very adequate, but I know also that I'm not the kind of flutist who can walk into an orchestra gig and play Firebird flawlessly. I want to be that kind, but it's going to take a lot more practicing.

I've learned that I'm extraordinarily excited to get married to my soulmate next year, and that our wedding is going to be spectacular, despite being stress-inducing.

I've learned that I must be much more firm, consistent, focused, yet encouraging in my job. Oh yeah, and organized. I must try very hard each day. I want to make my school, my parents, my friends, my colleagues, and myself proud of my work. I must get past this small illness to conquer this teaching thing in whatever small way I can.

I've learned that there's always probably a little more room for improvement than any of us are usually willing to admit.

With all of that, I'm excited, anxious, and hopeful for this new year, my eighth as a teacher. Bring it on?

break

2011-03-16T00:41:00.002-04:00

I'm on spring break. It is lovely.

Last week was a veritable FLURRY of band activity: rehearsal with Black Finger on Tuesday, high school band FBA MPA and American Legion Band concert Wednesday, middle school rehearsal Thursday, collapse Friday.

High school did remarkably well: G E E S = overall "Excellent," or "GEESE" for short. Best ratings ever, and I was/am extraordinarily proud. Deep thanks to Melissa Brooks and Fred Schiff, who graced us with their time and knowledge to help the kids achieve their best. My old college band director was our sight-reading judge and had complimentary things to say about me and the band, which really made me feel good. Hearing things like "I'm proud of you" and "Nice job" from respected colleagues added to the good.

So now, time to plan trips and middle school MPA and lots of other things. But for NOW now, I plan on relaxing. Just a little.

everyone thinks they should have their own tv show

2011-02-13T10:39:00.001-05:00

That's what Sean always says when I mention how hilarious ours would be, but since that seems impractical, I think I'm going to make him start a blog with me. What I mean is, I think I'm going to create a new blog and make him post on it now and then. I might have to bribe him with money.

to a fellow colleague

2011-01-25T17:41:00.002-05:00

One of the few other band directors in my company emailed me this evening, asking for some advice and help regarding her band program. I was happy to hear that there actually IS another band besides mine in our company, and as I was typing my looong response to her, I realized that I do a lot. And I was really proud to give her a short synopsis of our year's events. This is what I sent her:

Hi Shirley! I am so happy to help. I wasn't really sure if there were still any band programs in CSUSA. I think it might be best to call -- I'm available every morning until 9:05am, or during my lunch at 10:45am-11:15am. If those don't work, just call me after school. I'm in my 5th year teaching band, but still learning! There's definitely a lot to do.

Just for some background, I teach middle and high school concert band, jazz band, and marching band. We also have color guard and drum line (part of marching). I have a drill writer, color guard instructor, and drum line instructor. I have four classes during the day: beginning middle school, intermediate ms, advanced ms, and high school band. I have a band room (with office and storage room), and I share a hallway and five practice rooms with the chorus teacher. Our wing was built about three years ago, so it's new, but small. We also have a 300-seat theater.

I participate in all FBA events. We're currently getting ready for Solo and Ensemble and concert band MPA for high school (middle school is a little later). Participating in FBA events is a really great way to get to know other band directors and learn from them -- I don't know if you've taught band before this, but it's really helped me, especially in the past few year.

We do four concerts a year in addition to FBA events. We also have a couple annual extras, like jazz band performs each December at Barnes & Noble -- it's a performance and fundraiser for us. I try to visit elementary schools too, but I haven't done that in a couple years. We have a band banquet and take some sort of trip each year. This year the marching band went to Orlando and marched in the Universal holiday parade.

The easiest fundraiser we've had is "Enjoy the City" coupon book sales. They're $20, you get $10 profit from each, and it's really easy (easier than food and things like that). We usually average about $1,000 a fundraiser, which isn't a lot for some bands, but we're pretty small (about 115 members total), so it's pretty good for us! I don't know if you guys have "Jeans Days," but we do, and those are great, because it's minimal work for a pretty decent reward. We just bought uniforms this year -- for our 50-member marching band, it cost about $12,000 for new jackets, bibbers, and hats. My boosters have really been on top of things the past couple of years.

I have not looked into the Cambridge music curriculum, but I am interested in learning more. I know that it might start to affect our school and the types of classes being offered. I would LOVE to do an AP theory class, but I'm not sure that we have enough students with the prerequisite skills right now to do that.

I think the best advice I have is to reach out to someone who has an awesome program in your area, and see if they're willing to help you. I've borrowed a lot of music from nearby schools, and I've gone to observe some of them, too. And of course you can call me anytime. I hope this helped. Sorry it was so long!

Update:She never replied. Oh well.

resolutions 2011

2011-01-21T23:11:00.003-05:00

Three weeks into the new year, and I'm feeling good about a lot of things.

Condo isn't rented yet, but I've had interest, and I'm attempting a thorough clean-up tomorrow.

FMEA made me run the emotional gamut, but I think it made me stronger. Possibly caused a fundamental shift in the way I think when I teach.

I've been trying to be nicer and more outgoing. I really want to be a nice person. I'm usually a good person, but not necessarily nice or generous. I'd like to be more of those things.

Anxiety issues have gone way, way down since FMEA. This makes me all sorts of happy.

Personal life is going very well. Moved into the new place two months ago.

I've got challenges, but I'm really grateful for my life right now. Scared as always, but looking forward to the near and distant future.

be jealous of my youth

2010-08-19T23:11:00.003-04:00

I am more and less prepared than I ever have been before for a school year to begin. There's so much to do, but I am more mentally ready than ever. I'm hoping that that'll motivate me to write those pesky lesson plans.

I have such high hopes, and unlike other years, I don't think that they're just setting me up for disappointment. For the first time perhaps, I can see how successful my program will be. I know what I have to do, and it will be the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life, but at the end, I know that we will have something that we can all call our own and be proud of.

I realize that my last post didn't make much sense, and that's ok. I'm trying to speak more clearly now. I guess what I am saying is, BRING IT ON. The challenges, or dare my positive self say, the opportunities. I have a lot to learn, but I have tons to share. I'm young, but I'm not stupid. Or inexperienced. I will face apathy and failure and refuse each one.

I am fairly certain that if I can conquer this management demon once and for all, I will be more energized each day. This year will be full of amazingly pleasant surprises and meaningful musical experiences for my students and for me. That's the thing -- it's not just them, it's not just me, we all deserve it. We all know that music saves lives. I need to ensure that I'm leading the rescue, at the very least with my students. If we're really good, we'll affect their parents, the school, and who knows who else. We must push forward.

"Change for the better" is our motto this year, and I want to adhere to it with all of my heart. I have to do better for these kids. And for me.

My blog is better than your blog

2010-08-07T09:24:00.003-04:00

Actually it's really bad, but I think it's still better than many.

I wanted to post about band camp. I mean band camp that just ended. I'm talking day-after, haven't-yet-gotten-a-decent-night's-sleep-after-our-lock-in, fresh out of band camp post.

I've got the power.

Yeah sure, the kids did a lot. More than a lot, in a week that might've been the hottest on record for the month of August in Coral Springs. I think the average was about 92 degrees with maybe 120% humidity. Shut up, it's possible. But yes, the kids worked hard (I pushed them). They were respectful (I dealt with it if they weren't). They were on time (they received consequences if they weren't). And they -- we -- accomplished a heck of a lot more than we ever have before.

Some of the kids are faking it, but I told them to, at least for performances. If they have to. I made two kids cry yesterday, and others apparently cried randomly at other moments during the week, but nothing was unfair, unkind, or unreasonable. They're just kids.

This lock-in thing might not happen again, though. I really should be awake for the whole thing, and I just cannot do it. Sure, the kids can do it. They were also wired on Monster/Mountain Dew/other disgusting drink that doesn't sound like it should be ingested. But they were not LEADING the camp. They did not run 5.5h of rehearsal every day. They did not wait until every last kid had left (well, except for the last kid -- come on, dude, call your parents earlier!). They did not send emails and make phone calls well into the night, making sure that things were ready for them. They were not In Charge. So I think that it makes sense that their band director, an adult at least 11 years their senior, who takes care of herself and doesn't have her mommy or daddy driving her home every day, might be too exhausted to stand by 11:30pm. You know, since she's been up since 6:45am, ran camp, made sure her cousin was fed, got back to school early, organized prepping the gym, and tried valiantly to stay awake for several hours of the lock-in.

I'm just saying. This is mainly the tired talking, but I can guarantee that when the tired goes away, I'll still be slightly peeved that someone suggest that I stay up a little longer. For the record, I slept for a total of 3.5h hours last night, if I was lucky. Wow, I'm really a slacker.

Did I mention that my stipend would be the same whether or not I had a marching band, and whether or not I had a band camp, whether or not I had a lock-in?

In conclusion, I am awesome. I am, more than ever, truly proud of the work I have done. I know that there are not many people in the world, or city, that could do this. I do the best that I can, and I can confidently say that my best is damn good. So be nice to me, and if you can't, at least confront me like an adult.

End scene.

A tale in three acts, or Thank you, little lizard.

2009-05-13T22:18:00.003-04:00

I don't often partake in superstitions and apparent "signs" from higher powers, but I happened to have what some might call a "challenging" class today, and then read an article that helped me a little. And then a lizard flew onto my car, and I thanked God.

Confused?

1) I will not get into details publicly for obvious reasons (unprofessional, stupid for me to do so, embarrassing, etc.), but one of my teaching experiences today was less than stellar. It left me feeling frustrated, angry, and somewhat helpless. Yet that small part of me that refuses to give up was there, and, as I mentioned to a friend, is probably what is killing me. That refusal to give in and give up is really making my life a living hell, at least for 90 minutes a day.

Anyway. I had a 2-h leadership camp afterwards, and definitely felt better about things. Here is a group of 10 or so dedicated students that chose to spend their afternoon talking about being good people and making the band great. And we talked about a lot of things that I need to work on myself -- self-motivation, maintaining a positive attitude, communicating effectively, etc.

2) My parents have reading material in their restroom facility. Just saying. I happened to peruse a magazine today when I paid them a visit. One of the "habits of happy women" stated that they view every negative/challenging experience as something positive. They force them to see how it might be good for them. So I started to think. How is a class that hates me for 90 minutes a day good for me? Well, it's helping me develop a tougher skin. It's making me learn new things about teenagers. It's forcing me to be more consistent. It's going to make me a better teacher, as long as I force myself to learn and grow from it -- to make meaningful changes that will improve everyone's experience.

I went for a run. I ran off some of the anger. I ran fast.

3) On the drive home, I saw a small object fly out of the sky and plop on my windshield. I was driving about 40mph on Coral Springs Dr. To my honest horror, it was a small lizard. Probably about 2 inches long.

I really, really hate lizards. Hate as in I'm utterly terrified of them for no good reason except that they're an awkward size and I hate anything that size (frogs, large bugs, etc.).

My instinct was to turn on the windshield wipers. I just wanted him OFF. But then I thought about the consequences -- he'd either die or get stuck and injured, neither of which I wanted happening, especially not in front of my eyes while driving. But plus, as much as I hate reptiles and amphibians, I cannot imagine purposely killing them -- again, it's the awkward size: bigger than a cockroach, and I have a hard time killing it.

So I pulled over. Parked in a random condo lot. Tapped my water bottle to scare it. Didn't work. It just kind of spasmed and then pretended to not notice me. So I pulled back onto the road and slowly drove home.

By the time I parked, the lizard had made its way to that tricky part between windshield and door. I was terrified. I was worried that when I opened the door, it would... fall on me? Jump on me? Lick me? I have no idea.

I sat in my car, scared to get out. Then I scolded myself for doing so. I mean, I literally yelled at myself out loud: "You cannot be afraid of a lizard." I repeated it: "You cannot be afraid of a lizard!" Finally, as I was still sitting there, heart racing, I said loudly, "You cannot be afraid of a f$%*ing lizard!"

That did it. I quickly grabbed my stuff and opened the car door. I saw the skinny tail peeking over the door. I slammed the door shut. Lizard was still standing safely on the side of the car. I made sure to check to see if he was ok. Besides being projected away from wherever he was first hanging out (possibly with friends and family; I don't know the details of lizard social habits) and having a resulting near-death experience, he seemed fine.

I'll leave it to you to do the math. I'll just say that I am not giving up, even if it kills me (and it might). Because I deserve it, but more importantly, the kids do. "Good" and "bad."

Sorry, kids. I'm still going to do what's right.

stuff

2009-04-06T23:05:00.002-04:00

Quick post from good old Naples, FL. Now that I'm subscribing to two blogs or whatever I feel the need to censor myself somewhat, although I suppose that that was sort of the intent when I started this. Limited honesty?

Anyway, today was state S&E (south) for my three students that earned a superior (A) at district S&E a couple months ago. They all sounded great, and one got a superior at state today.

This being my spring break, I decided to stay the night and explore like the extreme dork that I am. I'm staying in a little old hotel sort of near the beach. I visited the pier today only to be almost blown off of it by what I'd call 30mph wind gusts and an impending storm which included dark clouds that completely, well, clouded any view of the sunset I was hoping to catch.

Got some delicious Mexican food, watched Heroes, will attempt beach again tomorrow and maybe the zoo.

I guess I only write this stuff because well, I think that I'm pretty cool for doing this stuff by myself. I mentioned that I'm a nerd, right?

I got the whole week ahead of me, and it feels good. Hanging out with Canadians tomorrow, man on Wednesday, and more Canadian goodness this weekend. Probably doing a hefty amount of "spring cleaning" at some point, too. Oh, and planning a band trip.

Bed.

It's getting better (not, "It only gets better")

2009-02-04T09:37:00.002-05:00

I'm trying to figure out precisely when this momentous switch in my brain happened. I know it was sometime within the past year, but besides that, I just don't know. Maybe it's been a slow process, but it just feels like such a complete turnaround that I can't wrap my head around it.

I think I love my job. I say this with much hesitation, because I know that I usually have the habit of jinxing myself, or whatever other type of superstition-related action you can think of.

I used to hate it. The discipline problems, the lack of planning, the lack of time, the stress, the forced socializing, the angry parents, feeling like I was bad at what I did. What's strange is that I suppose that most of these uh, toxins, are still there, except for maybe the self-loathing. And perhaps that's the biggest difference.

It is SO cheesy, but the whole learning to accept your flaws and courageous enough to work on them thing is so important. I'm seeing it in my students -- the ones that just assume they're destined to fail, or the ones that don't believe they need any improvement. I guess I've always been honest with myself, about myself, it's just that now I don't beat myself up about it all the time.

I still consider myself my harshest critic, but I have a few parents that probably come close. :) But I think that hating yourself is mainly a gigantic waste of time and is generally counter-productive to actually making improvements about those very things that you hate.

I wish I could shout this to the world and make everyone understand. I've got my philosophy, as Ben Folds so eloquently sings. And I think that's the reason why I've been feeling more successful, worthwhile, and hopeful about everything. I think it really does start with the broad picture -- what do I want? Why am I here? What do I want to leave the world? How do I want to be remembered? What kind of person am I? -- and trickles down from there.

You have to be willing to accept yourself, know what you want, and believe that you can get there. Oh, and I believe that living your life with integrity and honor and stuff is equally as important as being successful in your work life. But I also think that they're pretty closely related.

Never mind

2009-01-02T21:14:00.002-05:00

I think this will be more music educational...ly inclined. I'll be as honest and straightforward as I can. I make no guarantees about sticking to the subject matter, but it doesn't really matter, since no one but me checks this anyway. :)

Happy New Year. Am I the only one who had a great 2008? Oh well. So my wish isn't just to be done with it and hope that 2009 is better -- I'll just do the latter.

I'll be happy to get back to work, although the next two weeks barely count -- 2 days of school, then gone for 3 days for FMEA, then back to school for 3 days, then exams, early release, planning day. Then a week later, the first winter guard competition (we haven't even started yet). I've been stressing while simultaneously telling myself that there'll be time to stress, so stop stressing. I don't think it's working very well, but it is working.

Super Nanny is the best thing to happen to me in recent television history. Watch it -- it's good for the teacher's soul.

I'm running a half marathon in 1.5 months. Also been rather life-changing, but more on that later.

I don't think I managed to stay on topic for more than half a post. OH WELL.

So yeah. I had a quite excellent 2008, and I'm excited to see what the future brings.

The Last Night... no really, this time I mean it

2008-08-04T02:28:00.004-04:00

RIP, Spoon Benders. You will be missed.

Perhaps I should have said "Long live the Spoon Benders!" or "Viva los Spoon Benders!", but I feel like "rest in peace" is more apropos.

Never have I met a man so talented, honest, passionate about music, and kind to everyone he encounters. I hate you as much as I love you, Matt Winfree. You are a gem. I wish you every happiness in the world, and I feel like this time, you've got it right. I just hate that it's at the expense of me... I mean us. Yeah. Ha. I hate how I love your girlfriend already even though she's tearing you away from us. I hate that I undoubtedly will see your old (and new) bandmates much less frequently, not to mention Judy. I hate that now I really, truly will have less to do on my weekends, and even if they do wind up being jam-packed, they will not compare to a Spoon Bender weekend, ever.

I thank you for your kindness, your generosity, your entertainment, your humor, your amazing freaking talent that you shared with us, and just for befriending me when you could've easily let me slip into the other masses of fans you unequivocally have in south Florida. It's true -- don't even try to deny it. The inner groupie in me felt quite special having a friend like you, and I won't soon forget it. I know that we'll talk soon, and that you'll answer with your typical "Marizzle Dizzle!" or perhaps "Marizzle Dinizzle!!!" if you're feeling more ambitious, and you'll definitely have something sweet and/or hilarious to say.

You've left before. I've seen you several times after your "last" show here. But we all know that this time is different, and for that I am SO HAPPY!!! for you, yet so stupidly sentimental and sad as well. I really wish you the best of everything, but I think I already said that. So I'll just end this with a simple "thank you," and the knowledge that when I was thinking of you on the drive home and your new life that's about to begin, all I could do was smile. You're gonna be ok, Winfree.

I feel like this went from sappy and sweet to kinda creepy. So maybe I won't email it to him or post it on his Myspace. But it's here. And every word is from my heart.

http://myspace.com/mattwinfree
http://myspace.com/spoonbenders
http://thespoonbenders.net

all the little kids are marching

2008-06-03T08:49:00.002-04:00

Marching show 2008:

Back in Black, AC/DC
Open Arms, Journey
Livin on a Prayer, Bon Jovi

One of my kids today actually had the nerve to complain about the musical selection! Lame.

I've got my philosophy.

2008-05-11T20:44:00.002-04:00

Note to self (peppered with cliches and other original corny phrases):

The lost sleep, the tears, the heartache, the anger, the bitter parents and ungrateful students are all worth it. The bad days are worth it, because kids are worth it and music is worth it.

Do it anyway. You can do this. You CAN.

Commit to your lists. Commit to the ediets article rule which states, "if someone you want to talk to is in your building, get off your butt and talk to them instead of emailing!". Commit to doing at least one undesirable thing every day that you know needs to be done.

Feel the fear and do it anyway.

You are capable of having a well-planned, meaningful, and memorable concert for your students on Thursday. Do it.

Do not allow the daily grind to take over.

It's all worth it, even if you can't see it now. You know it is. You know that you have to do what's right for the sole purpose of it being RIGHT. Or left. Wink.

Love doesn't mean you let them get away with everything. It means you do what you know is best for them, even when they don't know. Especially when they don't know or appreciate it.

It's ok to be scared, but don't let it get in the way of doing what you know deep in your soul to be what you ought to do. You can, you should, you will.

I was inspired today

2008-03-10T20:40:00.003-04:00

Not by teaching or Langerado, not by a student or parent. No, I was inspired by a wonderfully awful music blog that Brandon so kindly sent me while complaining about my lack of Langerado photo-sending. He told me that he was now forced to read some random dude's music blog, ohmplay or something equally predictable, and subsequently sent me the link. I clicked. It bored me. The pictures, I must say, were at least 1.3X better than the text, which consisted mainly of "this one band sucked. This other band was good, but not my style. Then this other band came on and played some stuff and I really liked it." I am fairly certain that this guy got a MEDIA PASS. A free ticket to a once-in-a-lifetime-style event just to write like an eight year old.

Anyway, no offense (kind of). I just think that I can do better. It might still suck, it just won't suck with such ferocious power.

Welcome to my music blog.

<3

oh, hello again

2007-09-13T02:18:00.000-04:00

Surprisingly, I find myself back here already. I do have something musical to share, anyway. Tonight was really, for real, truly the last night that I will see Matt Winfree. Who the hell is that? He's an insanely talented singer/guitar player, and the front man for the "Spoon Benders," a south Florida band that's been playing down here for the past three year or so. Well, they were. Matt's moving up to Nashville either tomorrow or Friday, and the other two guys are staying here and working on their own stuff. Or hoping to. I mean no disrespect by that -- I know how stupidly hard it is to be a musician.

So anyway, back to Matt. It's hard to find a nicer, funnier, more talented, or more eloquent guy than Matt. No wait, screw that -- it's pretty much impossible. So today while I celebrate Matt's accomplishments, his ambition, and his passion, I am selfishly saddened by his impending departure. We were never "close," and we rarely hung out outside of their gigs, but I always felt that I "got" him, and vice versa. Call it overzealous fandom, call it the ubiquitous "schoolgirl crush," call it jealousy, WHATEVER. He's leaving us -- which I really do hope with all of my heart is the start of big things for him -- but well, it sucks for us.

And thus, I am sad. Grateful for the extra night I got to hear him do his thing, but sad that I had to say good-bye all over again and feel that sharp sting of having a friend move away.

Let's not let this emo-style post be in vain. Check out his stuff. He's GOOD. Just trust me on this, or don't, and see for yourself:

band website
band myspace
Matt's Myspace

Tell them that Marisa sent you. You can thank me later.

Oh hi.

2007-09-12T20:50:00.000-04:00

I forgot about this thing, sort of, but I've returned thanks to a one Jason Mraz. Maybe I really will start documenting my teaching adventures in here. Maybe it'll be for my many concerts or trips. Perhaps it will become a second Livejournal. Or just maybe, I'll ignore except to check Mraz's new posts. Who knows?

Choices

2006-07-17T11:14:00.000-04:00

So after some consideration and consultation, I've come to the conclusion that I will use this blog for one of the following purposes:

A) Make a lamer version of Jon's blog; that is, create a blog that delves into the not-very-deep world of all musical things that I like

B) A space for me to vent, er reflect on my experiences as a third-year teacher (suggested title: Marisa's Reflections on Her Crappy Teaching)

C) A (lame) outlet for creative writing/essay-practicing/occasional toe-in-the-water romp into current events

D) Nothing. I'll just use it to annoy other people on their blogs.

Because well, I just can't whine about being lonely or my uncontrollable ant problem on a blog as pretty as this. Right?

Welcome.

2006-07-16T15:03:00.000-04:00

I've created the blog with the sole purpose of posting on Jon's blog, because this blogger.com site won't let me post anonymously like some other blog sites out there. Ahem.

Anyway, I've kinda been wanting to move away from LJ land for awhile, so we'll see what transpires here. I even changed my LJ layout to make it look more uh, adult or something.

So with all of that remarkable shiz from my brain being said, I'm going to go post my comment on Jon's blog. Adios.